Life’s Pressing Questions: Retirement

September 13, 2017

Shelly and I were having a gigglefest at Panera's yesterday while pondering these earth-shattering questions: 

 

1. Can I take more than one nap per day? What if one’s in the morning and one’s in the afternoon?

 

2. I know hot dogs are not good for me, but if I eat them only when my wife is at book club and maybe when she’s out with the girls and only on months with thirty days. . .?

 

3. Is it okay to touch strangers I start talking to in the supermarket or sometimes on a movie line as I explain exactly where I lived in the Bronx sixty years ago? I’ve been known to hug them goodbye too.

 

4. Ca I tell the kid in the diner about how I used to ride the bus for fifteen cents or get into a double feature for a quarter?

 

5. How many times is too many times for shopping at the supermarket?

 

6. Getting oil changes every two months has got to be better than waiting longer, right?

 

7. How do you think I’d look in a full-length beard? I could grow my hair a little longer too.

 

8. If I treat every day like Sunday, will I get fined?

 

9. My wife says I shouldn’t watch TV during the day which she defines as 8 a.m. – 8 p.m. Crazy broad!

 

10. Every night I trudge up and down the stairs to get to my mandated ten thousand daily steps. I’m wearing out the carpet treads which might not last longer than I do. Nuts?

 

11. Who can I tell that my wife mumbles? And giggles to herself when I’m trying to have a good fight?

 

12. Can I do the wash more than once a week? After all, there’s two of us. And the cats.

 

13. If I go to different supermarkets in different directions and buy one or two items in each of them, that’s a good use of my time, I think?

 

14. Suzy at Citibank counts on me to check in with her at l3east twice a day. Yes, of course, I know she’s a recording, but so what?

 

15. You can never have enough toweling, garbage bags, never enough soap. Got to stay clean, n’est-ce pas?

 

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