I couldn't resist a contemporary response to my favorite poem, To His Coy Mistress. If you're not familiar with this witty and seductive poem which was sadly never published in his lifetime, read it on this website first. Then take a look at my version:
TO HER IMPORTUNATE LOVER
Had I but lust enough and time,
This pawing, sir, were no crime.
I’d dally gladly on your knee,
And let your hands roam mainly free
You sir should bonk me once or twicely,
Put it to me oh-so-nicely,
Round and Round we’d go. And why not
Insert your sword into all slots?
Tit for tat, tat for whitest tit,
Forgetting not my lady bits!
What rush is there you ask, my man,
The fire’s sizzling in the pan!
Delay, you risk a change of heart,
A drawing back of every part,
A sidewise glance at other fruit
A lightened step, a fast salute.
So au revoir my little knight,
‘Tis not for naught; ‘tis not for spite.
Your manners so impeccable
Turn my lust imperceptible.
Pray let me go as off I must
Unless my ardor turn to rust.
Yon lord does turn a twinkling eye
Upon my self, I dare not lie.
His well-trimmed beard, his massive hand,
My heart leaps up. He’s quite a brand.
Off go I then to ___ with him,
My fate is not to be Ms. Prim.
My best to you, oh tardy knight,
perhaps one day you’ll get it right.